family

Hey y'all,
I want to just tell you that I love the relationship Cooper and his cousin Olivia are developing. I watch her during the day while my sister works and her husband is job hunting. They are more like siblings than cousins. Olivia is the most patient and laid back baby I have ever met. She's a joy to be around. She is 7 months old and is thoroughly entertained my Coopers crazy two year old antics. When Sierra drops Olivia off in the mornings Cooper is still asleep and so I put her in the swing in our room for her to go back to sleep and wake up when Cooper does. The first word out of his mouth when she is there is "baby!" He loves her so much and gets upset when she has to leave to go home. He is such a little helper and gives her her bottle, throws away her diapers and just plays with her. I know he would be a great big brother. I didn't think I could handle being outnumbered but if I could be guaranteed that my next child would be like Olivia I would have another one in a heartbeat. Maybe in a couple more years. I have finally found what I was destined to be. A mom. I thought I knew what love was before I had Cooper but I was wrong. I will do anything for that kid and so would his Dad. Todd works SO hard for us and we appreciate everything he does for our little family. My parents are amazing and love being Grandparents. They are as much of an influence on Cooper as we are. We are so indebted to them. Memaw is thene that taught him NKOTB The right stuff. And my poor dad he has been trying so badly to get Cooper to say Grandpa but he just refuses. Cooper will say Papaw so I guess he will have to settle for that.
   My brother has become closer to Cooper which means so much to me. Part of that is due to us having family dinners every Wednesday night. I usually cook something mom has found on FB. Skylar aka uncle Coot and Aunt Callie come over and play with Cooper and Olivia. Uncle David and Cooper are developing a relationship also. I'm so glad to see that bond happen.
   Sierra and David moving back home has finally made our family complete. I love that we all get along and we are getting to know David better also.
   Skylar has the brothers he never had and I am so glad. He suffered being the little brother. Sierra and I tortured him and pretty much ruined his life. (if you ask him) Skylar, Todd and David have all these inside jokes and enjoy being around each other.
     That's all for now. Y'all enjoy the snow and sleet. Until next time!

It's been a while....

Well a lot has changed in my life. I am now the mom to a two year old ball of fire. My sister has had a baby and moved back from NM with her husband. My brother got married. I can't believe how much my life has changed. I have a great husband who works so hard for Cooper and I. I have friends drift in and out of my life over the past few years. The ones that I do have mean the world to me and I care about them so much.
         I am just so amazed at how fast Coop has grown up. I was so fortunate to see him crawl for the first time. To see him take his first wobbly steps. I cried when he said dada and then begged and pleaded for him to say mama. Now he says it all the time. This kid is smart. I am in awe everyday when he learns something new. He is a mess though too. I will tell him no not to touch something and he will look me dead in the eye with this evil grin and side eye and throw the object. I'm pretty sure he thinks the number 4 is "go" cause I will say "1,2,3" and he says "go" and takes off with a little cartoon pulling his leg back before he takes off.
    I am going to try to keep this blog up for Cooper to read in the future and he can see what a joy he was to his father and I. Also what a little butthead he could be. So maybe when he has his own children and wonders where those funny little quirks that they have came from.
     I want to keep this blog for myself also. I have a horrible memory and I want to be reminded of all the little memories to look back on. I'm not going to even claim that I am a good mom and I by all means do not have my life together, but I am doing the best I can and Cooper seems to be doing alright.




For instance today Cooper has finally learned the melody to NKOTB "The right stuff" His memaw has been singing that to him since before he could really talk. Now he goes around humming and singing it to himself.


That's all for today seeing as this took me almost an hour to write cause he keep playing with the charge cord and coming up and pressing buttons or tried closing the laptop.
I hope y'all enjoyed this.

Countdown.

In January 2013 I finally got my 1st period after my D&C in October. In February while helping my sister move I thought I was getting my period again cause I started bleeding. Well the bleeding stop that same day so I figured it was spotting. And from what I read that could be a possible sign of implantation. So I waited a week to take and test and sure enough it came back positive. I told Todd who was playing COD and showed him the stick and his only reaction was hmm I guess you will have to take your prenatal vitamins again. We were both cautiously optimistic when didn't tell anyone. I made an appointment for 2 weeks later cause it we based it off my last period then that would be 8 weeks. That was the longest two weeks. Todd went with me to the OBGYN and my nerves were a wreck cause I was so scared it was going to be like the last time and then I would have to suffer again. I told Todd that if this pregnancy didn't "stick" I was done and didn't want to try to have anymore kids. My mental health could not take another deep depression so soon after the last one. I was crying and shaking and twisting my hands while sitting on the table. The nurse understood and took us back to the ultra sound room. I was laying on the table with my eyes shut cause I couldn't handle seeing a vacant womb on the screen again. I only opened them cause Todd said wait I see something flashing on the screen. And the Dr. said yes that's the heartbeat. To which I said no shit there is a heartbeat? Then I started laughing cause that meant it was real and I was pregnant with something alive and growing. The Dr. let me know that my chances of miscarriage had dropped due to there being a heartbeat. I was so happy and proud of that little flashing blip on the screen.
Fast forward almost a month.... My Memaw whom I am extremely close to and so much alike it's ridiculous slid in her bathroom to the floor when she got out of the shower. I do not say fall because she didn't she slid with the rollator to the floor.But because of the retirement home where she has lived for the past 6 years the protocol is to take someone that has fallen straight to the ER via ambulance. Well that didn't go well Memaw got horrible motion sickness because she was laying down and couldn't see the road and vomited on herself. The emts also had her in a neck brace and a back board. My mom told me that night that memaw fell but she was ok and that she was just staying in the hospital for observations. My Mother has been devoted to taking care of my memaw for the past 10 years. Even before my Papaw died she was helping with both of them. I try to help as much as she will let me but one thing is for sure she is stubborn like her father. My mother didn't sleep at all that Thursday night into Friday when they finally admitted my memaw at 4 am. Memaw ended up staying the weekend in the hospital. They didn't find any broken bones, bruises, strains, or sprains. But they did notice some spots on her lungs that we were told was a mild case of pneumonia. My mom and I had noticed that Memaws stamina had decreased over the past 6 months but we figured that was because she wasn't being very active during the day and she was getting older. By this time I had told memaw I was pregnant and she was so excited to finally have a great grand baby close that she could see anytime she wanted. My cousin had his first child in December and Memaw got to meet him in March. Which she was so thrilled about.
During all this my husband got the stomach bug and I was so scared that was going to get it too. He was pathetic and I had to take care of him and also my dad who I had to take for surgery on his lower eyelid because he had skin cancer and had to have it removed. And then the following week Todd threw his back out and I had to take care of him again. I was mentally and physically exhausted for being at the the end of my first trimester.
During all of this Memaw was moved back into healthcare at the retirement home. Mom said she was just in a funky mood after her  escapade with the ambulance and hospital that she asked if I could see her when I got a chance in between taking care of the men in  my life to cheer her up. Well that was this past Thursday and I brought my future sister-in-law with me that just got engaged to my brother on that Monday to share the news with memaw hoping that would perk her up since she would be a fresh face. When I walked in and saw her sitting in her chair the woman that looked back at me was not my memaw. She was complaining about the room spinning and how she has never felt like this in all of her life and she didn't know what was wrong with her and she wanted to die and she wishes she was dead. I told her you are not dying so quit acting like you are. You are just in a funk from the hospital and you will be back to yourself in no time. I was trying desperately to make her stop talking like this and give her something to look forward to and live for. I told her that she was going to have a great grandchild she could hold and love anytime she wanted. She said she didn't care and wished she was dead. I was overwhelmed because only since the day I got married had she been asking when I was going to give her a great grandbaby and now for her to not even care I was heartbroken. My mom called and said she was coming to get memaw and take her to the Dr. to see what was making her feel so bad. After Memaw refusing and putting up a fight we got her to the Dr. I was late getting there because I had to take Memaws lower plate to her dentist because a piece was starting to break. By the time I made it to the doctor mom and memaw were already in a room and mom was crying and wouldn't tell me why and memaw was just sitting there. Mom asked me to move her car to a handicap spot cause there were no free ones open when they came in. I did and then I just sat there and cried because I hate seeing my mom hurt and crying. When they got out mom told me that memaw had vertigo and that was why she felt so bad and that with the medicine they gave her memaw would be feeling better soon. So
I went home and mom took memaw back home.
The next day my uncle came in from out of town to cheer memaw up. Also my sister was leaving Charleston to see her husband in St. Louis to spend the weekend with him since he had been gone since February for training for the Air Force. Well due to bad weather here in Charlotte which was where she was to transfer her flight kept getting delayed and then finally cancelled all together. She booked the last flight out of Charlotte for 3 hours later to get to St. Louis Friday night. Luckily she made it to the airport without a minute to spare and made it to St. Louis. My uncle drove me to the airport to get my sisters car and on the way back I got a mass text from my cousins that live out of state one in Seattle, another in NYC and one in Baltimore that they were coming into town unannounced and unplanned the next day. The last time this happened my papaw was dying so I knew Memaw was worse than my mom was letting on. They told me that the breast cancer memaw had when i was little had come back and moved to her heart and lungs and that she had 3 months to live. now the way she was talking made sense because she had been told she was dying and
i just wanted to punch the Dr. that told her that. It was like a switch went off in her head and now that she was told she was dying she needed to start acting like it. I just kept thinking if she hadn't fallen we could have kept on being blissfully unaware of what was really happening and kept on with our daily lives of memaw being happy but slowing down. She complained about little things hurting but really it was just a ploy to get one of us to massage her. Not so much pain that required narcotics. Sunday was a bad day for memaw she was in such a low mood. Everyone came to see her and she was pathetic. We all went to dinner as a family Sunday to spend time together and break away from the situation for a little while.  On Monday C was leaving to head back to Baltimore so we went early to spend time with memaw before we left to go to the airport. When Aunt M stopped us and said memaw was just doing horrible and that she would be going soon. I prepared myself as I walked down the hall that this was it. When we got in there with Memaw we cheered memaw right up and had her laughing and telling stories and carrying on. Soon A and A showed up to spend time with her too and that room was full of so much laughter you wouldn't be able to tell that the woman laying in the bed was dying. This is all for now I am tired and I am writing this to help relieve the massive amount of sadness and stress that I have on me because I know it isn't good for me, my baby or anyone around me. I hope this will prepare me for whichever comes first Memaw passing or the birth of this baby. That's why I call it a countdown cause everyday closer to one life beginning is one day closer to another life ending. I love that crazy funny woman so much and I just want her last days to be filled with joy and laughter. She is so much a part of me that I know when she goes a part of me will go with her.

Copper

My poor poor puppy Copper. Well he isn't really a puppy anymore he is 7. He means so much to me. He is a beagle and the cutest one I have ever seen. Todd and I got him the week after we got engaged in 2005 from a flea market in Gastonia. He was the smallest and saddest puppy of the litter. The mother was there and she looked worn out and small. It was between Copper and a larger puppy. Well Coppers tail had a hook in the end that he was born with. Not an actually hook but a deformity  just to be clear. Well we went with him because we thought nobody wants this sad, deformed tail, little beagle. I named him Copper from Fox and the Hound. The name of the fox was Todd so I figured it would be very fitting for this beagle to be named Copper.  We took him to the vet and he was just eat up with worms. We got him dewormed and his first round of puppy shots. Well somewhere in between the series of puppy shots Copper got Parvo and was in the emergency vet for a week from Christmas to New Years. I didn't think his little body could fight it off but he did.. He wasn't giving up and neither were we if he was willing to fight. After he got out of the vet he was very weak but improving. The next 7 years went by very quickly it seemed and nothing else to note about health wise.  That was until about a month ago. I noticed Copper started falling. We have a very high bed and wood floor and he would jump off the bed like he was superman and land just fine. Well I noticed he was missing not everytime but enough to make me start wondering. Todd said it's because he is getting older. Then I noticed he was tripping when he would walk or trot or run. Sometimes he would fall over on his side and get up and keep going like nothing happen. He kept getting clumsier. About 2 weeks ago I noticed Copper developed a small cough nothing serious just like clearing his throat followed by a burp. I was used to the burping he always burps after he eats. Well I googled and was scared he had heart worms so I asked my parents that instead of money if they would just help out with the vet bill. I took Copper to the vet and they did a complete blood work up, urinalysis, prostate exam, fecal. The whole nine yards. The vet was more concerned with his drunken wobble than his cough. She said his ears were a little dirty but not so much that they would cause his inner ear to cause him to wobble. She cleaned them and gave me some cleaner none the less. She was just as puzzled as I was about his swaying and tripping. It's like he doesn't know where his feet are. Other than the swaying he is still eating and drinking and pooping and peeing. He is sleeping a little bit more but then again he always likes to snuggle under the covers and take a nap. She checked him over making sure it wasn't a slipped disc or pulled muscle that was pinching a nerve and nothing no sign of pain at all. Copper is such a gentleman when he is at the vet. So she started saying it could be some sort of tick disease. Now I can say with 100% he has never had a tick on him. Then she starting listing other things it could be cancer, blood clot, distemper, inflammation of the brain or spinal cord and other ailments I can't remember now. In my head I am saying woman shut up quit making me worry even more than I am. This dog is like a child to me especially now since I have miscarried. Well today we got back the blood results and everything came back normal. Great but if something was abnormal that would point us in the direction of finding a solution. So she said bring in him and let us test for distemper. And I will also give you an antibiotic in case it is a tick disease that also can help if he does have distemper. Fine great it won't hurt him if it isn't either one of those options. I won't get the results from that test till next week so I am hoping for an improvement with this trial run of antibiotics. If not it's time to try steroids for possible inflammation  of his brain. Fingers crossed people that we get this figured out. I love this dog so much.

Just not meant to be...part 2

I got a lot of "I'm sorry." and "if there is anything you need." and "I wish there was something I could do." Which was all very kind and sweet. And I really appreciated it. But I was still hurting. From that day forward when I was alone I would lay down in the shower and cry. I kept thinking I could just wash how I was feeling down the drain. On Sunday my Dr. called to check in on me and I asked him if we could reschedule the surgery for Wednesday so I would not associate my birthday for death day of my pregnancy. He agreed and I was scheduled for surgery on the 24th. My Birthday came and I spent the day alone and depressed and crying in the shower again. Todd tried his hardest to cheer me up over the weekend prior and I tried to be happy but he knew deep inside I was faking it. My friends from a previous job had a get together and they comforted me as I cried and vented my feelings. That helped having women who have had to go through what I was experiencing.

Todd got one of my friends and my family to meet us for dinner at outback. It was a nice distraction from the elephant in the room. The next day my brother and his girlfriend and I went to Charleston to pick up my sister. She wanted to be there for my surgery which I really appreciated. It was good to get out of the house and go on a road trip. We really did have a good time together.

D-Day October 24th.

I didn't get much sleep the night prior. But then again I hadn't gotten much sleep in several weeks. I met my sister, mom and dad at the hospital for my surgery. I was sad cause it meant my pregnancy really was over. Cause even up to the point of going into the O.R I thought it was all a bad dream and Dr. AL was going to tell me that he made a mistake and there is a baby after all. I was shaking and crying waiting to be taken back. I have never had any surgeries before or put under anesthesia. When I did sleep the night before I had a nightmare that I woke up during surgery and I felt everything. In a way I was ready to get it over with. I didn't want to see it, feel it, smell it, or hear it. I just wanted it out. That way I could move on. The nurses and anesthesiologist were so kind and understanding. My sister and mom came back and stayed with me till they took me to the O.R that was really comforting cause I was very scared.The nurse told me that I would feel my cheeks getting warm and the next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. And as soon as I woke up I felt the cramping. Horrible cramping so the nurse gave me some sort of pain killer through my I.V and wheeled me into the room I was in before surgery. Sierra and Mom were waiting for me. Mom said she had to go back to work so she could get done early and meet me back at their house. Dad came back and checked on my but he soon left so he could pick up my pain meds and meet us back at the house. 
Well apparently I am not very good at "recovering" because I attempted to eat a popsicle and threw up cause my blood pressure dropped. And then the nurse wanted me to Sierra and the nurse let me rest a little longer. I finally started to feel better a few hours later that they let me go home. Sierra was such a big help to me and I had never been so grateful to have a sister that cared so much for me. We went back to mom and dads where I took it easy the rest of the evening. Todd stopped by to check on me. I wanted to stay at my parents house because I didn't feel like dealing with my dogs and I didn't want to be by myself. 
I don't know if I passed out from the pain meds or sheer exhaustion but, I finally slept. The next day wasn't too bad bleeding and some cramping but that was to be expected. I helped dad clean his boat and it was just nice to be outside. It was a good day. My brother came to see me. Sierra had left to go see her in-laws. 
However that night was horrible. I took a percocet to help me fall asleep. But at 2 AM I woke up cramping like I have never cramped before. I was crying in the bedroom but then moved to the living room cause my mom told me that if I got up and walked around that could relieve my cramping some. So that's what I did. I was doing laps around the living room and would walk into the kitchen to see the time. The pain was coming in waves every 5 minutes. It would buckle me over and I would have to hold onto the couch in order to keep from collapsing into the floor. After almost 2 hours of this I just couldn't take it anymore and called the on call Dr. Who just happened to be my Dr. that performed the surgery. He answered sleepily. I immediately apologized for waking him up through tears of pain.  He reassured me that the surgery went fine and my uterus was spasming. And that I should eat some bread and take another percocet. I did just that and then sat in my dads chair with my head in my hands rocking back and forth. My mom woke up at 4:45 and found me in the living-room. She was so worried about me. I told her I was ok I was just waiting on the pain meds to kick in. I finally went back to "sleep" cause lets face it was restless and not refreshing at all. 
Everyday I felt a little better than the last. Now I still cry everyday when I am alone. But I put on a smile and fake that I am doing ok. I am a chameleon of emotions and how I truly feel. I go back to the Dr. next week for a follow up and I am going to ask him for antidepressants. Todd doesn't want me to but I feel like I need them. Not forever just till I can get passed this stage in my life. I told Todd I am not ready to jump right back into trying to have a baby. I am scared and I don't think I can handle losing another one. 
I had the jelly bean picture on the refrigerator but I flipped it over so I couldn't see it when I found out it wasn't viable. Well I was cleaning the fridge and I asked Todd if he wanted the picture and he said no just throw it away. It was hard but I did it. And in a way it helped. I know I will never forget this time in my life and I know that if one day I do have a child I will appreciate him or her all the more for this experience. 
I feel a sense of relief getting this all out cause I have been carrying around and it has been heavy on my heart and my mind. If anything it has shown me how important family is and has shown me who my true friends are. There is so much more I could write but my fingers just can't handle it. So until next time good night.

Just not meant to be... part 1

I found out I was pregnant on September 29th. I should have had a clue prior to the positive pregnancy test. After all my boobs were killing me and according to my husband I was being really "moody". I thought I was getting ready to have my period because these had all been clues in the past the dreaded "time of the month" or in my case "time of the year" was quickly approaching and would knock me out for a solid week. My husband and I had made the decision to start trying to have a baby at the beginning of the year. I told him we would try for a year and then if nothing happens I will go to the Dr. to see what can be done. Well lone and behold I come home and my husband has gone out and purchased 2 pregnancy test. So I take one just to prove him wrong. Well joke was on me when I yelled at him to come into the bathroom to read the results. The test was a 1 line not pregnant and 2 lines pregnant. Well those 2 lines popped up in a quickness. He said you're pregnant. I turned sheet white and Todd had to remind me to breathe. All I could think about was how we weren't ready and what I had done to already mess up this child and he/she hasn't even made out into this world. I mean I am a upper 20's woman with no children so of course I was drinking and smoking and eating steak medium rare and getting my hair colored and riding roller coasters and everything else. Hell the day I found out I was pregnant I had a bloody mary at lunch. Already I am a terrible mother. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I thought I could "feel" it. I knew it was all in my head but for me it was a weird sensation in my stomach. Todd was so excited and reassured me that the baby was fine and that we would make good parents and that everything would be great. Well I got my phone cause I have an app that tracks your cycle. And I was loyal to mark every time we well you know. And according to that calculator I was already a little past 8 weeks pregnant. I called my mom and my sister and Todd called his mother. We decided to keep it quiet till we knew how exactly far along I was. 

I called the Dr. the next day and schedule an appointment for that Wednesday. I went and got prenatal vitamins and made sure I was eating throughout the day. Cause normally I only eat one meal a day especially since I am currently unemployed. Wednesday finally showed up and Todd went to work and then came to the Dr. appointment at 9:30. (He has to be at work at 6 AM) The whole time in the waiting room I was nervous and excited and worried and on the verge of tears at any moment. We go back and have an ultrasound done and the midwife says "yes you are pregnant but not as far along as you thought. Only about 4-5 weeks) All we could see was a jelly bean looking sac. She called the sac "the pregnancy" They also did blood work on me and told me to come back on Friday for more blood work. "Standard procedure."  Even though it was early Todd and I were thrilled. It happened, I was pregnant and in the summer we would be parents. Whoa scary thought but I am great with kids and Todd will make an awesome dad so I was worried but not too worried cause I have him. I took a picture of the print out of the jelly bean and sent it out to my immediate family. I went to Kohls to see if I could find a frame for the picture. 
I noticed with pregnancy that my sense of smell became hyper sensitive. I had heard that was possible but didn't believe it until it actually happened to me. The super sensitive nose and the extremely painful breast were the only symptoms I had. I was lucky no morning sickness and yes I was sleeping a lot but I can always sleep. I think I was sleeping so much because of boredom from not having a job. And now that I was pregnant that would have to be put on hold till further notice. 
Todd was so sweet to me. Not that he isn't normally but he was extra affectionate and was doing more around the house. He called or text me through out the day to check on me. He was getting so excited. He would look online at different nursery ideas and we had picked out names.
I went back on that Friday and got more blood drawn they said i would get back the results on the following Monday the 8th. Well Monday came along and they called but I missed it and called back but then no one called me back till the next day. I got a phone call from the nurse and she asked if I could change my appointment to earlier than the 24th. I asked why and she said oh the Dr. just wanted to see you earlier. I asked about the blood work and I said since I haven't heard anything no news is good news and she responded with yes. Now I'm thinking alright everything is fine and dandy. Later that afternoon while I am at my parents house another nurse called and asked if I had changed my appointment I responded with yes and she asked if anyone had told me about my lab results? No I said. She said well your HCG levels are extremely low and should be doubling every 2 to 3 days and also my progesterone was extremely low. I asked what this meant and she said it was usually a sign of an abnormal pregnancy but not to worry because the numbers could be low because I am so early in the pregnancy. I started to cry and she said We aren't worried yet so you shouldn't be either. I called my mom, Todd and my sister. Todd reassured me that everything would be ok. All I could do was cry.
 HCG levels indicate that the pregnancy is developing properly and progesterone levels indicate that the body is maintaining the pregnancy. I discovered this by googling. After the fact my sister called and said don't look it up online it will only make you worry more. Well too late sister I am freaking out more. I was up all night that Tuesday night and even got into the shower and cried. 
Fast forward to the October 13th even though I am sad and worried on the inside. I put on a front that I am fine and go to NYC with my sister to meet with my cousin who lives there and our other cousin who lives in Baltimore. I announce my pregnancy as soon as I get there so my NYC cousin will understand why I am not drinking and smoking and that I need to eat more often and I can't go go go like my usual trips. The whole trip was an excellent distraction of my life. My sister and cousins and NYC friends were making up songs and nicknames for me and my unborn child. I was happy for once in a while. We got back home on the 16th and my next appointment was the 19th that Friday.
Friday October 19th. 
Todd takes the day off work and we have lunch and then go to the Dr. I have an actual Dr. and not a midwife this time around. His nurse comes in and preps me for the ultrasound. And then Dr. Al comes in. I have never met this man but I know right off the bat he is a good man. So he does the ultrasound and I look at the screen hoping that there is going to be a baby or the starts to one. But no there is nothing. It's a void, empty, vacant. Through tears I say to Todd there is nothing there. Dr. Al readjusts hoping the angle is not right. But no nothing. Dr. Al apologizes that yes I have lost the baby and reassures me that just because I have lost this one doesn't mean I will not go on to have children. He tells me that he would like for me to have a D & C done on Monday. Well I didn't realize it at the time that that Monday was my birthday. I agreed and we were sent out the back door so I wouldn't disturb the bounty of pregnant women in the waiting room.  I called my mom,dad, sister and cousin and cried to them. Everyone else that I told got a text message.

Aunt Ida

Tonight my family lost the last great matriarch of our family. My Great Aunt Ida passed away. And she wasn't just great because she was my Papaws sister she was great because she made an impact on anyone that met her. She was fiesty all the way up to the end. My friend Amber went up with me this past weekend to see her with me in VA. And it was worth the almost 14 hours worth of driving over 2 days to see her. She gave me a baby blanket that she crocheted 30 years ago that she was going to give to her first great grand child. Well for whatever reason she didn't get to give it to her so I got it. I will cherish it and my memories of her forever. That woman was a force to be reckoned with. She always wore the same wig, and was always dressed to the nines. A mouth like a sailor and she would just tell you how it was without holding back. She loved me dearly and I loved her back. I feel like I have a lot of her in me. And I am proud to say that I am her niece. She lived everyday to the fullest. And Loved her family faults and all. I spoke to my cousin tonight and she said that she was going to make more of an effort to keep in touch with the family more often and I agree. So get ready folks Heather is about to make herself known to everyone. To qoute Aunt Ida. "Just throw your hands up to it all and say to Hell with it and move on."  No truer words were ever spoken. So I am not going to dwell in petty things. It's not worth your time in the end. Life is too short and I don't know what happens when we die or where we go. All I know is I am going to live the life that I have now and cherish it for what it is worth.

Yeepee Skeepeee

Hello my fellow Bloggers! So 2012 is here and that either means it's just another year or the end of the world either way I plan on making it a way better year than last year. I wanna mark off a few more things on my bucket list and what not. I plan on laughing more often than I already do and having a good time in whatever I do. If only I could get paid to be a great friend. My cousin suggested that I should start a friend service but I am scared that if I did that would lead to prostitution and lets face it I'm no top shelf hooker like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. (Sorry I went on a little tangent just then)  So I went on a job interview to work at a Veterinary office but needless to say I didn't get the job because I work harder than all 3 of the other receptionist combined. I guess the awesome work ethic that I got from my parents really came back to kick me in my ass. Oh well on to the next one. I still work at the daycare and even though I love children my teeth do not seeing as I grind my teeth all day long and now have some dental issues. But that's nothing some abesol can't fix. I look forward to the day when my jaw doesn't hurt at the end of the day cause of grinding. I would really like to get a "new to me" car this year. Time to grow up and get a 4 door car. Although I will miss my excuse for not driving anywhere because of my lack of not having enough room.  I still have all 3 of my dogs and now add to it some freshwater angel fish. I know it may be boring to most of you people but I like my little household life. It maybe boring but this gal has big dreams. Like for instance going back to NYC at the end of this month. You may wonder why I like to go to NYC in January and I will tell you during the winter it is all about survival and not fashion cause lets face it I am not very fashionable. In the winter everyone is in think jackets and scarves and hats and gloves and ugly snowboots and that is fine with me. And no one questions you about why you have such horrible hat hair. It's about getting from one place to another without losing an extremity. I'm down with that. Plus I heard the subways really stink in the summer and since I am already around stinky diapers all day I would like a break from that. Oh and I don't get so pink and sweaty in the winter. Oh and it looks cleaner with snow covering everything. So there ya go I know y'all wanted to know all that. Well I hope you enjoyed my first blog entry of 2012 hopefully there will be many more before the world ends. Awesome night y'all!

What's new???

Hello My Fellow Bloggers..... I know I know I have been slacking alot here lately with the whole keeping up with this blogging thing. Well lets get ya up to date on the ongoings in this gals life. Well my kickass cousin graduated with her PHD! Cort is so smart it kills me. We added another married woman to the family. I am still working at SSH and I am coming up on my one year mark. Hello paid vacation! Todd got his old job back and he loves it and I love the paycheck. The pups are doing fine. Although they are becoming very annoying at night and I often yell at them at 3 in the morning when they are up acting all crazy that if I wanted to get up at all hours of the night I would have had children. For some reason they just don't get it even though I have had one on one conversations with each of them on how they can improve on being better pets. My mom and dad are doing fine and my brother is busy dating. My sis still lives in Charleston and her heart is across the ocean in Afghanistan. His name is David and he is amazing! Did I mention I love my family. They make me who I am and even though we fight and bicker we are still a pretty awesome family. Lately work has been consuming my life but I love the people I work with and I am happy where I am. I updated my bucket list it seems to be getting longer and yet I don't know when and how I am going to get most of these done but one day I will. So that is enough about me. I wanna know what everyone thought about the Rapture. That was a bust wasn't it. Oh well I wasn't worried about it. It's all a bunch of crap anyway. They say it was just a miscalculation and that the real date is 10/21 which I have an issue with since it is the day before my 27th birthday...I have stuff I wanna do for my birthday and I don't need some stupid Rapture interfering with my plans. Anyways I hope y'all are doing well and I will talk to you later. Have a great night and I will post again in a couple of months. Peace out cub scout.

WWJAD? What Would Jane Austen Do?

Good evening fellow bloggers!
So whats new? Well let me tell you whats new with me! My dad suprised me and We are going on a Father daughter trip to England and Scotland and a possibly Ireland if we have time this time next year so I am going to need the world not to end! As most of y'all know I am obsessed with Jane Austen! Like totally obsessed! I have already looked into Jane Austen tours and I have already made a google map and plotted all the castles and manors I would like to see. We are planning on seeing Stonehege and I told dad we could go golfing and he said it was too expensive and I asked if they had a puttputt course or I could at least take a picture of him with a ball and club. I mean that counts right. And I want to go to Loch Ness and Find Nessy! I think I will. Anyways even though it is a year away I can't wait. We are going to have so much fun however I know I will stick out like a sore thumb cause lets face it I am southern and country. But I am sure we will make some great friends while we are out there cause people are just drawn to dad and I. On a personal note I have thrown my back out while picking up a child all while dressed as Michael Jackson for character day at work and this is the first time it has happened and man does it hurt. I have taken a muscle relaxer and I am watching Riverdance who is jealous of that? I am still working on photography and I am already doing a wedding and this weekend I will be doing a sweet 16 party. I have come up with a name for my business. Funny Girl Photography. What do y'all think of the name. Would you hire me. I am also booked to do some belly portraits and newborn portraits also. I really want to get this up and going. I am looking at DSLR cameras and looking into some photo courses also. Well this muscle relaxer is kicking in and I am getting tired. So I hope y'all have a good evening and have a happy Tuesday.

Bucket List

Hey y'all here is my BUCKET LIST that I keep going on and on about of course I think I add more to it than I actually cross out but hey it's fun to dream right.

1. Go to Alaska and see the Northern Lights.
2. See whales in the wild,
3. Swim with Manatees.
4. Learn to scuba dive.
5. Swim the Blue holes in the carribean. (underwater caves)
6. Swim with sharks.
7. Go to yellowstone national park.
8. Ride a motorcycle by myself.
9. Go to NYC. * done
10. See the empire state building.* done
11. Be part of a flash mob. *done.
12. Meet someone famous.
13. Go to Austrailia.
14. Wear a bikini.(lets be honest this is never going to happen.)
15. Learn to fly.
16. Wear High Heels and not fall over.
17. Visit England and see where Jane Austen grew up and wrote all of her wonderful stories.*Work in progree going with my dad next year. So I am going to need the world not to end please and thank you!
18. See a mass migration of animals.* (Saw a starling mumuration right in my back yard 12/28/11)
19. See great white sharks jump out of the water in South Africa.
20. Go to Ireland.
21. Visit every continent.
22. Learn to surf.
23. Become really great at Photography and actually make money at it. *work in progress
24. Go cave exploring.
25.Explore the amazon.
26. Attend a New Years Eve party in a fancy dress.
That's it so far I will add more as I think about them and if I remember to write them down so I will remember to put them on here. Hope everyone has a great week and I will talk to y'all later.

HeeHee takes Manhattan day 2!

Good evening my fellow bloggers!
To continue from yesterday.....So Mickey lives in a beautiful apartment at the top of Manhattan right by The Cloisters museum which is a bunch of monasteries brought over from Europe. It is beautiful because it sits on a hill that overlooks the Hudson river and it was covered in snow. Even though I have never been to Europe (fingers crossed that I get to one day) walking in made me feel like I was in the 15Th century. I mean I have been to the Renaissance festival but it is nothing compared to this beautiful place. I felt a sense of peace and it is the only place that I saw Mickey slow down and take everything in. Anyways there were archways that were over 1,000 years old I don't believe I have ever seen something man made that old. There were tapestries and stained glass and it was just amazing. We got our geek on in a major way. Well after that we went to go see Aarons salon. So here we go on the subway from the top of manhattan all the way to the bottom and we pop out from underground cause at this point we are groundhogs and "I just happen to look behind me and there is this tall beutiful building so I yell at Mickey to stop and she does and I'm like hey what building is that and she goes that's the Empire State Building"I pay my rent there" and just keeps walking and my jaw dropped and I yelled at her again cause I wanted to be a total tourist and take a picture and she says Sorry Heehee I'm a horrible tour guide. Well at least you admit it. So I geeked out then too. Aarons salon is amazing and beautiful in every way. So the plans for that night were to lotto a pair of tickets to see Rock of Ages. Well we take a cab and drive by Times square where my jaw dropped again because I never dreamed in a million years that I would see it in person and it definitely doesn't compare to TV and movies. It is just breath taking and I couldn't believe in the morning I felt like I had stepped back in time but by that night we were in the future. I know I am a dork/loser but it's cool I love myself. well we finally make it to Rock of Ages and put our names in the basket and sure enough we don't get picked the guy that has seen the show like a million times and is on a first name basis with the girl running it gets in. But it's all good we don't need no stinkin Broadway show for us to have a good time so we make our way to the bar to drink our sorrows away where we meet up with one of Mickeys friends. We bar hop and go to a bar that is Communist themed very dark and intimate and we have a blast well then we go one street over to the greatest bar ever WhiskeyTowne where they serve the best shot ever THE PICKLEBACK!!! It's a shot of Jameson whisky followed by pickle juice! Life changing I tell you Life friggin changing. Well we consume quite a number of these and get to talking to our bartender whose name is Peacock and turns out he is from NC too and knew one of my teachers at North. Small world. We had a great time and managed to stumble into a cab and make it home. Great night! Hope y'all enjoy and of course by now you should know what my next blog post will be about. Night Night my little blogheads!

HeeHee takes Manhattan day 1!

Good evening fellow bloggers!
So as I was telling y'all last night about my escapades in the big apple I need to continue my story. Lets begin at the begining shall we since that seems like a logical place to begin. Anywho I get on my flight to NYC and I just happen to sit next to a kid wearing a vikings sweatshirt. So I ask this kid "Did you go to North?" Why yes I did I graduated 2010...(me)- really thats cool I went there too. (kid)- And when was that? (me) 2002. (kid) wow?!? Yep that was how the conversation went and the look on his face was god you're old. I asked him about teachers I had and all his answers were they retired. Yet another conformation that I am getting old. Anyways I get to JFK and wait for my sweet cousin to meet me since I was a subway virgin. My flight was 2 hours and I waited 3 hours to come get me. Bless her heart when I finally saw her she was like don't worry HeeHee I got it all figured out on which way to get home. Well needless to say we pop out of the ground in her neighborhood and it is snowing and it is beautiful. We went to the corner market and got stuff for dinner which was amazing and drank and had an amazing first night there. Until tomorrow my friends when I tell you about day two of this trainwreck that is my experience in NYC!

Good evening my little Bloggers! Sorry it has been a hot one since
I have been on here! I know I am a failure! Well first of all let me wish all of y'all a belated Happy Thanksgiving!, Merry Christmas!, and a Happy New Year!!! 2011 has been pretty awesome so far! My husband got a job!!!! Yep in 3 years this is the first time when both of us had a job at the same time and I must say that this feeling of a bank account that doesn't hit 0 before the next paycheck is pretty awesome! Also I marked quite a few things off of my bucket list. I went to NYC!! My cousin moved there and I have to say that city truly doesn't sleep! I saw the Empire State building, Times Square, the Statue of Liberty and many other iconic sights that I have only seen on TV and in movies. I rode the Subway which I'm not gonna lie I was a little freaked out about. It was funny I started laughing to myself on the way to the subway train because I passed a subway restaurant on the way to the subway. Sorry I know I'm lame. And then Mickey laughed at me cause I told her this was the first train I had been on since Tweetsie railroad. I loved NYC I never really and truly felt scared but then again I was always with someone and we really didn't go to any sketchy parts of town. the city itself felt like a bigger Charlotte. I had a blast with my cousin and friends and I can't wait to go back. Oh back to my bucket list I was part of a flash mob. If you don't know what that is it is when a bunch of people meet up at a certain spot and perform something as a group together whether it be dancing or singing or what not. Well we had heard that it was the 10th annual Pantless on the Subway...Well even though I don't live there I rode the trains enough to determine that I did not want my hiney touching anything on the subway. Well it turns out that the final meeting place was Union Square well wouldn't you know Mickey and I just happened upon all these people bundled up in big poofy down jackets and hats and gloves and Big snow boots and underwear. It was amazing at least 500 people in nothing but underwear. So right then and there I dropped my pants but I cheated cause I had long johns on which technically is underwear but I say it counts! Here are some pictures that I took and tomorrow I promise to tell y'all more about HeeHee takes Manhattan!!!

charleston....battery

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WHHHAAATT?!?!?!

Well Hello there my fellow Bloggers! So I had to get a physical done for work. Now keep in mind I have never had to get a physical done for any of my other jobs so I was not sure what that included. Well my appointment was for 8:30 in Huntersville so I left my house at 7:30 to deal with traffic. Well apparently there was a wreck and so I didn't get there till 9:00 and I wasn't brought back till 9:30. Anyways the NP comes in and listens to my heart....She asks me "Do you ever feel like your heart is racing?" No why? "Because you have an extra heartbeat." What? I'm not pregnant I swear. No no no do you drink alot of caffiene? Why yes, yes I do. I can't function without it. But I haven't had any this morning. "Well it doesn't matter it's very common." Wheew ok. "But I would like to do an EKG just to be sure." Well did that and I haven't heard the results yet. Needless to say I got 3 vials of blood taken so lets see how that turns out. To distract you from my boring day here is another photo of the day for you lovely people! Enjoy! Night people

Sunday Funday!

Well Hello there fellow bloggers! I hope you had a great weekend!
There is just something about this time of year that brings out the kid in all of us. I went to the farmers market with my friends Sloane and Sarah and I asked them if any of the pumpkins were calling to them and of course they said yes. So we purchased our pumpkins and headed back to their house to carve them. I still love the squishyness of the insides of pumpkins and the smell and slimmyness of the seeds as I seperated them to bake in the oven tomorrow. It brings me back to being little and how hard it was for me to carve a pumpkin and how the carvings consisted of triangles for eyes and a nose and mouth and now look what I can do. I hope to never be old enough to not appreciate the feeling of carving a pumpkin cause I think it is one of those things in life that keeps you feeling young. Well I hope y'all can carve a pumpkin soo and experience the happiness of the little things in life. Y'all have a good night!

Did ya miss me?

Hello fellow bloggers! Sorry to be so slack on posting but with getting a job and working with kiddies all day I'm pretty worn out. I'm enjoying my job and falling in love with some of the kids. I'm still not ready to have any but I really do enjoy playing games and singing with them and I feel old when they say Miss. Heather you know that song? And you know who Mary Poppins is? Yes of course I do sweetie we have been friends for a long time.....Thats sooooo cool! I have gotten back into photography again and I really want a nice camera for for all of you people out there my birthday is next week *wink *wink. I did photgraphy for a friends intimate backyard wedding with a point and shoot camera and I have to say I think I did a banging good job but you be the judge. While shooting this wedding I thought of my own 3 years ago and how my friends were there to help me get ready and calm my nerves and always knowing what to say. I miss my at one point and time best friend who helped me through a very difficult time and I wish she was in my life again. Maybe one day we can reconnect. A girl can hope right? You don't know how many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call but was scared that she wouldn't answer. Sorry to get deep there it has been on my mind for a long time and get it out there. Y'all have a good night.

Virginia is for HeeHee: Day 1!

Good day to ya fellow bloggers! Wow do I have so much to get y'all caught up on! Went to Richmond last friday to see family and friends. Of course as I am pulling into my cousins neighborhood I get the phone call that I have been waiting almost a month for. It was the "you're hired!" call. Crap I'm in VA. They said thats ok I still needed to get a TB test background check and fingerprints done. So I was good to stay up there for the weekend! My cousin lives in the Church Hill part of Richmond where the houses are beautiful and yet can be a little sketchy all at the same time. C is an amazing horsewoman who has 3 horses Belmont who is a huge stubborn guy, Chick aka chicken head who is also huge but sweet and he grunts when he poops which makes me laugh. And little Zeke who is the son of My other Aunts old horse Amare. He is very sweet and a little lazy aka the perfect horse for me. C brought her dog Roxie to the barn with us and even though she is 10 years old she acts like a pup out there and loves to eat fresh horse poo, swim in poo puddles, fight with ponies for said poo and run with C when she rides. Well C and I were on the trial and Roxie starts to egg on some dogs that were behind the fence and of course the ponies get spooked. But I handled it very well and wasn't scared at all. C is amazing on horseback and I love to watch her jump. (Did I mention she is getting her PHD yah she is that amazing!)So friday night after C cooked a kickass meal of grilled veggies, warm potato salad, and buffalo chicken strips. It was time for the ghost tour of her neighborhood. Now the lady that was our guide was trying to be funny through most of the tour and I am sorry but that is my designated role in life to be the class clown and be funny. This girl bless her heart she was trying so hard to be spooky and funny but it just wasn't working out for her. So we come to this lookout where you can see all of Richmond and there is a couple laying in each others arms and I say to C "you're welcome, we just prevented a pregnancy" everyone thought it was hilarious. When we get back to her house we stayed up and talked and drank a little bit and then finally crashed around 2 am. stand by for day 2! :)

What you picked 2 year olds?!?!

Good day to you fellow bloggers! Sorry it has been awhile since I have been on here but alot has changed since the last time I was on here. I kinda got a job! I say kinda because I haven't been given a yes or no. But I have been going to observation. But I am getting ahead of myself....the job is at a daycare. I really like all the kids but I have fallen in love with the 2 year olds!Yes they are hyper and love the word no and love to do things on their own. But their imaginations are amazing and I love to watch the way their mind works. A majority of the kids are working on potty training and quite a few are actually potty trained. So when the director asked which classroom I wanted to spend more time in after a tour of the facility...she about fell out on the ground when I said two year olds. Even though while sitting on the ground and pretending to eat plastic food as 6 kids are shoving "pretasted" plastic food that is dripping with spit in my mouth and all over my face. I enjoyed it and laughed and smiled from sheer joy. I really hope that in the next week they will say you're hired and I can experience the sound of a child laughing from excitment everyday! Well gotta finish laundry and pack heading to VA in the morning to visit my cousin for the weekend! Y'all have a good weekend ya hear!